No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
