I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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