when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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