I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
