My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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