his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We need to rekindle our bromance
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
