Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
