sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
