She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
