He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
