Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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