There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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