I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
