Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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