id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
