woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
