and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
