while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
