R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
