O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
