I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
