My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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