I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
