It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
