i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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