I think i peed on brittanys purse
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
