??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
