I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
