so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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