halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
whose parrot is this?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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