im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just pee around me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
