Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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