just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
