just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I deserve this hangover.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
