I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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