Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
