"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
