I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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