last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
