Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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