I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
