farters have to be the big spoon...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I pour the whiskey from now on
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
