yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
