Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
