Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
