I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
