We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
