I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
