It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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