Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
