how can u be prego again
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
