What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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